What if trauma
was a teacher,
not a lifetime tormenter…
Trauma can run on a loop until it’s interrupted.
We can interrupt it - together - and replace it with a reprogramming that makes you feel safe, peace-filled and at home in your own body.
Relationship trauma isn’t always easy to identify. It can result in vague expressions, such as:
general malaise,
feeling dejected or not good enough,
ruminating over troubling conversations or past events,
feeling like you’re alone even when you’re with people,
or, like you’re broken and you’ve lost yourself.
The good news is though relationship trauma can be challenging to identify, it wasn’t meant to be embodied for a lifetime. While trauma can feel all-encompassing, it usually just needs some direction to process through you.
Trauma Rewired
Trauma happens to all of us and can get stuck in the brain and body, creating a neurobiological loop that activates even when we’re safe and may not activate when we are in actual danger. Through neurobiological reprogramming, we can reverse this wiring so you learn to recognize that what’s familiar is not always safe and feeling safe can actually be exciting without the fear.
Hi, I’m The Trauma Tamer.
I’ve been studying trauma since 2011; although, when I started, I didn’t realize it was actually trauma but more about that in the About section. In my more than a decade of research, one thing I’ve learned about trauma is, it’s not always what people think it is. It’s not always obvious.
You may have been like me and found yourself unable to name the source of your struggling in life. Relationship trauma is especially tricky as the person or people who mistreated us may not even be in our lives anymore, yet the effects of what they did or said live on in our psyches, guiding most of the choices we make regarding relationships. To make things even more mysterious, we may not remember much of this trauma but our nervous system does and our beliefs that live just beneath the veil of consciousness were formed from these pivotal moments.
What we believe shows up in our lives when we find ourselves “attracting” the same personality in different bodies or at least people who carry the same qualities of people from our past. A resulting sense of shame, guilt and perpetually not feeling good enough tend to stalk us throughout life because while we may not have been physically hit or wounded, the deep impact of repeatedly being criticized or emotionally neglected - whether intentional or not - can literally last a lifetime until we begin examining the truth.
Perhaps you have been aware that something just didn’t feel right and after years of struggling are now ready to address that something. I know what that something is because it took me decades of searching to finally identify it in my own life. I learned how to thank trauma for its purpose and teach it its place in my life. Through studying neurobiological reprogramming, I was able to create a new life story in which I could live safely, free and fully. And, you can, too.
Relationship trauma can be subtle but has the power to rewire our brain and permanently affect how we think and feel without intervention.
Brain scans show the dramatic difference between a neglected baby in a Romanian orphanage and one who received affection and love. It looks as if the brain on the right has parts that are missing or lifeless; whereas, the brain on the left is full of life. Unfortunately, trauma can “kill consciousness” as I heard one PhD-level trauma expert explain it. The encouraging news is, there is a way to bring this “consciousness” back online and begin to function in a way we never thought possible.
Crawling out of what feels like the darkest pit of humanity to just being able to breathe again, laugh and feel alive is no small feat. I know because I did it. After you know evil exists because you’ve had a personal encounter or multiple encounters with it, it’s hard to act or be “normal” ever again. But, who wants to be normal anyway? That’s not what this is about. It’s about being OK with being you.
Many of us are able to function in such a way that no one would even know anything was wrong, wearing a daily smile while secretly feeling lonely, miserable and hopeless. We really just want to feel better, so why don’t we start there?
When you work with me, I guide you through a whole-system process to restore wholeness to your soul. This process, derived from more than a decade of study and living it myself, brought me back to me. So many people say, “I lost myself,” after surviving a damaging relationship. You aren’t lost, parts of you are hiding from the “danger out there.” They’re simply waiting for the invitation to reconnect and know that they’ll be safe.
When you are in an abusive relationship, the danger out there is real and current but if you have escaped, we will build the psychological safety your “lost” parts are craving and we will protect them from would-be, real-time predators disguised as your best friend, soulmate or family member. If you’re at the stage where you believe everyone is toxic, a narcissist, abusive, deceptive or pathologically opportunistic, I help you navigate your world in a way that feels safer - creating a supportive environment that sees, hears and genuinely understands you.
