Have you had tricky trauma?
Relationship trauma is often challenging to identify because while it can be loud and threatening, it can also be quiet and subtle. It’s frequently normalized and may have been caused by neglect - being deprived of what one needs to flourish.
If you’re wondering if you have had relationship trauma, I’ve created a quick quiz to give you instant insight into your own trauma story.
Based on troubling relationships with people important to you now or in your past, rate your answers from 1 to 5, using the scale below. Then, add up your total score.
Click Quiz Results below to see what your score means and if you find you have had tricky trauma, knowing it is half the battle. We can’t recover from what we don’t know we have.
Tricky Trauma Test
1 = Never, 2 = Rarely, 3 = Sometimes, 4 = Often, 5 = Always
1) I have been or am in a relationship where I get yelled or raged at.
2) I have felt or feel lonely in my past or current relationship.
3) I get or have gotten criticized so much, it feels like there’s nothing I can do right.
4) I get called derogatory names or have been called names in past relationships.
5) I have developed physical symptoms I suspect are related to my relationship stress.
6) People I have been in or are in relationship with have been physically aggressive with me (pulled me by my hair or arm; pushed me; slammed objects around me; hit, scratched, slapped, bit or spit on me; physically dominated me).
7) I or my loved ones (including pets) have been threatened.
8) I am given an allowance even though it’s my money or had this situation in my past.
9) I get the feeling, or I outright know, things are being or have been hidden from me.
10) Some people who have been important to me, like a boss, family member, partner, friend or coworker, run hot and cold on me or have run hot and cold on me.
11) I don’t currently feel or haven’t felt consistently respected by those who are important to me.
12) I feel or have felt used in relationship(s).
13) I have or have had to walk on eggshells to avoid upsetting a relationship partner.
14) I feel or have felt addicted to someone I suspect or know is not good for me.
15) I am or have been worried for my future because of a troubling relationship.
16) I’ve been in relationships that were “perfect” or ideal in the beginning and suddenly changed for the worse.
17) It’s hard for me to focus on what I want to focus on to achieve my goals at work or at home.
18) I question or have questioned if I’m the problem in a hurtful relationship.
19) I feel I’ve lost myself in a relationship.
20) I have done things I didn’t want to do just to keep the other person happy.
21) I’ve been in relationships where the other person has different rules for me than for themselves.
22) If I didn’t do what a relationship partner wanted, I got in trouble.
23) I get or have gotten the silent treatment or ignored.
24) I ruminate or have ruminated over troubling conversations or events.
25) I have been blamed for things whether I did them or not.
26) I’ve been betrayed, lied to or misled in relationship(s).
27) I am or have been told I don’t remember things as they actually happened even though I felt confident I did.
28) When I was growing up, feelings were not discussed in-depth or much at all.
29) I have felt excluded from social, family or work groups, vacations, projects or events.
30) I have felt so hurt, broken or hopeless, I just want to feel better.